Saturday, July 9, 2011

My writings about our first baby.

(((I was going to take all of this off, but I have now decided that I'm going to keep it on.. I've done a lot of thinking about everything in this life this past year, & decided that after the fact I should not be embarrassed or ashamed of what happened to us, it's all apart of life. This is part of my healing process. I'll keep this on my blog in memory of our first little baby we were suppose to have August 11, 2011.)))



December 6th, 2010
About 3 hours ago, I just found out... I'm Pregnant! I'm Pregnant... I'm Pregnant! I'm Pregnant!!! Somebody pinch me! I have about a million and one things running through my head right now. I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm shocked, I'm scared. I cannot believe we're actually going to have a baby!
When we found out:
Chris and I, have been trying to get pregnant for four months. For the past week I've felt like super anxious-- somewhat I feel like I've had the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I told Chris that I thought I was pregnant, because of how different I've felt lately, very hard to explain but I just feel different. I guess I sort of just knew I was, and tonight the seven tests that I took........ (I was/still am in shock.) confirmed that they all happened to be POSITIVE!
I laughed, I cried tears of joy, I was/am completely shocked, and I'm so very nervous. When I found out and told Christopher, he got the biggest smile I have ever seen in my life. He is beyond happy, and very much in shock. Haha. He is wondering how he will go to work, and be around family without spilling the great news. His smile may just give it away. My due date is August 14th, 2011. By this time next year, Christopher and I will have a 16 week old baby! How crazy is that? I have so many emotions running through me right now. Out of all of the emotions I'm having, the one that I feel the most is blessed & thankful.
I'm so excited, I can't stand it.
12-11-2010
Well, tonight we had Grandpa & Grandma Deary over for dinner... We made a slideshow of pictures of us, and also of the pregnancy test that said "Pregnant." (You know one of the EIGHT tests that I took....) hahaaha. Well you never can be too sure I suppose. ; ) So all of us were standing in the kitchen while Christopher and I were finishing up dinner.. Pat saw the slideshow/screensaver deal playing on the computer and I was about dying so nervous to tell them. (Hot flashes, heart beating about 1 million times per minute..) Anyway the picture of the pregnancy test popped up that said "PREGNANT!" and Pat looked really close and said "Really?? Really?! Then Alison, and Pat, and Chris, and I were all so excited! Pat and Alison cried, and Chris and I felt a million times better telling them. They were so excited. : )! We had such an awesome night just celebrating, and talking about the baby, and stories of parenting. Good times. :) I'm so, so, so excited I can hardly stand it about everything. All I do is smile all day because I'm so happy. I wish I could tell everyone!!!! We really just want it to be in person. It's hard being so far away from everyone but I feel it's very important that we do tell everyone face to face and not via phone, internet, or skype. Those are all so tempting, and I've thought about it a million times but have to resist. I sit and think to myself... Okay I can tell most of my family on Skype...... or......resist. I've always been awful at keeping secrets. Even when it comes down to buying Chris his birthday present... I try to say to him "Want a hint???!" "Don't you want to know what it is???!" He always replies "No, honey. I CAN wait." It just kills me that he doesn't need a hint or need to know! Well, seeing that I cannot stay awake past 9pm lately it's time to sleep. I'm exhausted, pretty much all day, everyday. Last night I went to bed at 7pm, and slept until 7am this morning. Then around 3 or 4pm I was like hmm. I wonder if I can squeeze a nap in before Pat & Alison get here. . . I never nap... EVER! It's so weird. Maybe I will wake up in the second trimester of this pregnancy. I hope so.. I feel like I have a lot of things to do, to think about, and all I'm up for is a nap! ZZzzzzZzzzzZzzzzZzZZZzz...... :) One sleepy, happy, momma-to-be, that's for sure!
01/01/2011
It's the first of the year. Day One. Fresh start.
I made the following resolutions last year: Lose weight/eat healthier. . . I......LOST 55lbs, and I'm definitely making it a constant choice to eat healthier everyday. Not just to eat healthy, but to BE healthy. I also made resolutions of: Running a 5K, I ended up running 2 5K's, and one 7K. I very much enjoy the atomsphere of positive people and everyone's positive energy that it turns addicting. I decided that races will always be a part of my life. It's something that keeps me motivated, and I love it. If we don't have our good health, we have nothing, so why not do everything in your power to perserve it the best it can be? I'm pregnant, I want this to be the epideme of a Fit Pregnancy, and a Healthy eating pregnancy. I want to know that I've done everything in my power to make sure I'm doing everything the right way. I've debated joining a gym recently.. I think I've finally decided that I have enough equiptment at home, and enough tools to stay fit & healthy here. I have a weight bench, weights, tread mill, eliptical, workout dvd's, etc. I love my workout dvds, that's what I did to lose the 55lbs over the past year. I'm going to sign up for some more races this Spring & Summer before the baby is here. The last race that we did was the "Drumstick Dash" on Thanksgiving in November, and it's just too cold in November to do a race for me. I'm more of a Spring and Summer race girl. I plan on getting a jogging stroller, and taking the baby to 5K races and walks. At some of the races I've done over the past year, the moms have to go in the back with their jogging strollers and then when the race starts they all take off and how awesome is it that some of the moms are passing people younger then they are, or even the fact that they just had a baby, and they are passing people who aren't pushing a stroller? What an awesome role model to your child then to be showing them how important their health is.
01-01-2011
I'm 10 weeks along now. I'm so tired ALL the time. I can really tell how tired I am, because I never took naps before and lately they seem like the best thing in the world. I have so many things to do, but all I want to do is sleep. I was reading about how exhausting the First Trimester is, and I've read and talked to other moms who said that they basically slept through their first Trimester. I'm looking forward to whenever I get my energy back, and I'm not so tired. Maybe I will get that back in twenty some years?... hehe. Two more weeks until I'm in my second trimester. I've read that that's when you stop going to the bathroom so much, and you're not as tired as you are in the first semester so bring it ON! Looking forward to it. Tonight I washed my first load of Baby Clothes, and hung them up on hangers. They're so cute. I can't wait to see our baby wearing them. Right now Chris has the carpet ripped up in the Nursery, because he put a ceilling fan in the Living room. The Ceiling fan is up, and working.. Now we just need to put the carpet back, and start working on the Nursery. Chris said he's going to fix the seals on the window in the nursery.. Then I need to start thinking about what color I want to paint the Nursery. We are going to paint it, maybe have some murals, or designs, painted on the walls. We also are going to remodel the closet, and put some storage shelves in there. We are still deciding if we are going to put any flooring in the baby's room or if we are going to wait and put Hardwood floors down. Our goal is to eventually put hardwood throughout the entire upstairs, but we may just replace the carpet in there for now, not sure what we're doing with that obviously so we'll just wait and see. I'm so excited to design the Nursery. I want it to be neutral. We haven't quite decided if we're going to find out the sex of the baby, so I would like it to work either way. I love oranges, yellows, greens, and blues.. I'm not into the whole if it's a boy it MUST wear blue/ if it's a girl it must wear Pink deal. I'm more of a neutral/earth tone person. We have a ton of other projects that we'd like to do before the baby gets here, but if they aren't finished before, oh well. :) This is our list of things we are going to try and do before the baba gets here: Clean & Organize our garage and make a huge delivery to Goodwill. We both have stuff from High school/etc. that we don't use, and probably never will that we need to just get rid of so we can make room for storage if we need it, and I'm sure we will. Next we're moving our Washer and Dryer from the Pantry downstairs, to the Storage/Furnace room upstairs. That will be awesome to have the Washer and Dryer upstairs so we don't have to carry all of our laundry downstairs, just to carry it and put it back upstairs. I can't wait for this little project to get done. I of course have a ton of cleaning and organizing to do in all of our cubboards and closets, but I will get it done before. We have some touch up painting to do downstairs.. Then the next project is our hallway, we painted it concord ivory to match our dining room and the colors are completely different so it looks really bad next to each other. It's like comparing a bold, darker, yellow, to a super bright lemon yellow. The baby's room was our guest bedroom. We moved the guest bedroom into the workout room. We decided that we want to move it again. We're going to move the Guest bedroom to the Office, and move the office to the room where we have the guest bed right now. We're going to try and paint the whole upstairs before the baby comes. All of the rooms need to be painted.. Then our guest bathroom is going to turn into the Baby's Bathroom, and we're going to paint it in the same theme as the Nursery. We have a lot to do before the baby gets here, but I know we will get it done.

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